Freeman/Portfolio/beasts/Tortoise Shell Cat

Tortoise Shell Cat

CONTENTS
1 Tortoise Shell Cats
2 About this Cat
3 Cats and Rats
4 Rats and the Law
5 Angry Siamese
6 Snorky's Friend
7 Related Links
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Tortoise Head

About Tortoise Shell' Cats: (*)

Tortoise Shell Cats are almost always female. Of the few males, most all of them are infertile.

About This Cat: (*)

Name(s): Tortoise Head (Snorky) also: Tortie, Snorty, Snorkers, Toady, Ponky, Nuttle Head, etc.
born: 1985
Weight: 9 Lb.
Distinguishing Characteristix: Missing left eye, tip of tail (I didn't do it.)
Descendants: 1 litter of 5 annoying little beasties by unknown father. (I didn't do it.) She purred through labor

It was Foisted upon Me...

Deposited in my apartment in 1987, this beast was first named "Imelda Tortoisella". Immediately after she arrived, the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded! She has lived through two NASA mishaps...so far. (See the Author's Space Shuttle Art WARNING: bad taste advisory)
I was so disgusted seeing her drink out of the toilet, that I lowered the lid and flooshed. She emerged unruffled, and I determined never even to attempt to annoy her again! (well, almost never) To this day, she manages all of my financial and spiritual affairs.

Cats and Rats (*)

I shared an apartment with two cats and a pair of rats. Snorky, loved to play with our rats who wandered about. They loved it too! The rats would visit Snorkers and she'd playfully nip at them. The rodents would tear off and bounce back for another round.

An Early Pioneer of Rodent Aviation

Brown Rat Nabs Cat's Snack

Abby as a kitten

Abby kitten in a Tree

Abby: Angry Siamese (*)

Abby was my crazy girlfriend's Siamese. She was named after Abbott, a grouchy, bald headed banjo player who owned the Egg House, the little mom and pop store where I worked on Sundays until Abbot got a bit too grouchy for me, so I left. Abby, however, remained.
Snorky and I had just moved in and "Abby Crab" was p-i-s-s-s-s-e-d. We attempted a calming kitty introduction, but this ended with Snorkers diving into the bowels of the house, emerging the next day, cobwebbed and distraught.
Abby hated rats.
Abby hated lots of things.
But most of all ...Abby hated me!
I was studying quietly when She slithered silently onto a chair across the room...just to keep an eye on me. There she sat until looked up and she hissed at me!

So, What's Her Problem?

I've never know a cat so angry or so intellectually challened as Abby. She would charge headlong at our feet, colliding with our shoes and cursing us out. I learned all my cat obscenities from her. Abby would lay across our legs as we slept...and growled insanely if we tried to move.
To paraphrase Thurber, "Nobody knew exactly what was the matter with her." As a kitten, Abby would play viciously, getting thoroughly worked up, attacking and biting hands. Cuddly as can be when she felt like it, but woe to the sucker (usually me) who seeks her out for some fuzzy lovin'.
So it went for years. Tortoise, myself, or one of the rats would ferret Abby out of her hiding places for some fun. she'd curse and run away.
At one point in our relationship, Abby would abandon any activity to lick my nose and purr. I wondered how long this could go on, so I tolerated as much as possible, counting over 100 scratchy licks, and my nose really hurt. I gave up, and still have no way to know how long she would have gone on.
She's accurately described in Darby Conley's comic strip Get Fuzzy. If you know siamese cats, you will love this comic. The angst, the paranoia, and the general psychosis of the siamese cat breed is well featured. If you disagree with my assessment of this breed, you're probably a Siamese owner and they say pets are like their owners.

Cats, Rats and The Law (*)

I discovered that my neighbor, Marie was an animal control officer when she came to my door explaining that "Ronnie Rodent" was out by the front porch standing on a stone and holding his own among the neighborhood cats. There was no conflict here. No law had been violated. Marie just wanted to make sure I knew about Ronald, and advised that I should think about keeping him indoors. I tried, but he'd tasted freedom, and would scoot out the door and down two flights to the landing whenever he could.

Road Kitty

I lived in a converted schoolbus for a few months. When Tortoise Head and I drove it from Colorado to Massachusetts, she would scream and wail. We made an overnight repair stop and I let her run into the woods, knowing she'd return after dark. It had been years since she had followed me to the store, calling to me as I rode my bicycle a few blocks to the 7-11. She hid in the bushes while I shopped, then emerged to follow me back home. This was one weird-ass cat.

Eventually, a scared young rat panicked and bit the tortoise head cat deep into the paw. She's never played with a rat since. But now she has a new friend, a wonderful Black Cocker Spaniel who only occasionally tries to mount her.